I have to laugh looking back on the last paragraph of my last entry. I've since decided that crushes should not be formed out of drunken nights. ;) I'm pretty sure I have the potential to like almost anyone with a penis (or even nice breasts) when I'm in my own little world of drunken bliss, but have learned that this will not necessarily translate into a meaningful connection when sober. (Yeah, this should have been obvious, but clearly I'm new at this stuff!)
I've had my fair share of rejection in the past year, but last night I had to hurt the guy I had been dating for the past couple weeks. He brought up some serious topics and the word "relationship" during only our second time hanging out sober and I instantly freaked. I was honest and two hours later, I had managed to bail myself out of that one. I just wasn't expecting him to take it so hard or to fight for me like he did. There is nothing worse than the guilt that comes with hurting someone you care about... I would so much rather be the one getting let go. I've realized in the past couple months that I can actually deal with my own rejection quite well. Moving on is becoming less and less difficult for me. Or maybe I just haven't formed any true feelings for anyone yet.
With the new dating experience I've attained recently, I have learned to appreciate how difficult it is to find someone you have a strong, special connection with. How did I get so lucky to discover that on my first try? In the back of my mind I wonder if I might never experience that bond with someone again...
But at the same time, I am confident that love will hit me again someday when I'm ready.
